Winning an Argument Won't Give You What You Really Want
Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. (Proverbs 18:13, The Message)A few days ago, my roommate and I had a yelling match against each other. We were both *so* right and the other had no right to get in the way of the obvious truth. Of coarse, this didn't work. We both wanted the other to yield without asking why the other's view was so important in the first place. Proverbs 18:13 came to my mind but I didn't like it. How could I bear listening to another's opinion regarding something that I fervently held as my own business. Still, as Lex Luther would say, one can never have too much information. Since the equation of how things would work out between me and my roommate was unsolvable, I took the Bible up on it's suggestion, which was humbling to say the least when it involved *my* own business. I cooked breakfast for my roommate and asked him all about his views regarding our disagreement. I did my best to understand and repeat what he said back in my own words without even getting into my opinions. He was quite reasonable. Then something else happened that I didn't expect. I genuinely appreciated his stance for the first time since our disagreement and couldn't explain how happy I was. The situation wasn't solved yet, but still, the equation had been simplified immensely. Over the next few days I thought about it and finally sent an email to my roommate.
I maintain my stance with appreciation for a good portion of yours.
Short and sweet! Originally I had planned to send a massive letter explaining my view and, to some extent, my self-righteousness. After thinking about the situation for hours and asking others for their general opinions, I realized that some people will simply disagree with my fundamental beliefs and others won't. Either way, there are usually reasons. This response did more than a whole letter could have. It did even more than arguing with my roommate and having the last word could have. This one-sentence reply showed respect for my roommates view while being true to myself and my self-respect. Originally my roommate was upset that I didn't listen to him. Now, he got his wish and I got mine, which is far more important than agreeing over a situation.
1 comment:
I'm going to have to remember that line, it's a good one. A big part of loving others is respecting them and a big part of respecting them is listening to them, and this is a great example of that. I imagine cooking your roommate breakfast helped your perspective too even before the listening excercise. I love the way you endeavor to put the Word into action.
Psalm 119:11 "Your word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against You"
Deut 30:13 "But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it."
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